Love Economics

I've been reading Tim Keller's book, "The Meaning of Marriage." It's excellent, not only for a Biblical understanding of marriage, but for any follower of Christ who wants to grow in loving our neighbors as ourselves. Here's a powerful excerpt on finding fulfillment and happiness on the other side of serving the needs and interests of others before our own:

"The gospel, brought home to your heart by the Spirit,  can make you happy enough to be humble, giving you an internal fullness that frees you to be generous with the other even when you are not getting the satisfaction you want out of the relationship. Without the help of the Spirit, without a continual refilling of your soul's tank with the glory and love of the Lord, such submission to the interests of the other is virtually impossible to accomplish for any length of time without becoming resentful. I call this 'love economics.' You can only afford to be generous if you actually have some money in the bank to give. In the same way, if your only source of love and meaning is your spouse, then anytime he or she fails you, it will not just cause grief but a psychological cataclysm. If, however, you know something of the work of the Spirit in your life, you have enough love 'in the bank' to be generous to your spouse even when you are not getting much affection or kindness at the moment...The deep happiness that marriage can bring, then, lies on the far side of sacrificial service in the power of the Spirit. That is, you only discover your own happiness after each of you has put the happiness of your spouse ahead of your own, in a sustained way, in response to what Jesus has done for you." (Tim Keller, "The Meaning of Marriage," pp. 57-58)

This is why I think 1 John 4:19 ("We love because He first loved us.") is not simply a chronological statement, but an ongoing reality of having our core, foundational need for love met by God, which then frees and empowers us to love others. Without experiencing God's first love each day, we inevitably fall back into the sinful mode of trying to use or manipulate people to get out of them what we want--which ultimately only God can provide. We cannot truly love others in a sustained way unless we have our need for love met first by God. This is true in marriage and in every other human relationship.