How God uses silence

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken." (Psalm 62:1-2)

I think silence scares most people. It makes us uncomfortable and uneasy. We find it unsettling to be with another person when the conversation suddenly lags and we are left with awkward silence. We use iPod's and TV's and radios to save us from having to endure silence in our homes and cars and workplaces. It's almost as if we know that silence will expose something in us if we stay in it long enough.

That's why I think God is often absent--not in his actual presence, but in our perception; Why God doesn't immediately respond when we call out to Him; Why God creates times when we've done all the right spiritual stuff and all we're left with is a "waiting silence." It's in those moments that God wants us to face up to the things our hearts would otherwise run to as a "rock" and "fortress" and "salvation." Silence, like almost nothing else, will give us a sense of "void" that will reveal where are hearts go to be filled for a sense of security. If we sit in silence long enough, we'll see parading before our consciousness the whole series of counterfeit gods that we run to in times of stress. They will beckon us to indulge in them, to trust in them, with false promises of how they will satisfy our desires and longings.

But in the silence these counterfeit gods are also exposed. Without the usual distractions of noise in our life, it's easier to see how inadequate these things really are, how un-rock-like their foundation is. So silence can bring us to the point where we reject those lies we've believed (and are still tempted to believe), and reaffirm that "for God alone my soul waits." Only God provides what my soul craves and needs in a lasting way. And often silence is the only way for me to know that all over again.

Solve my riddle

Psalm 49..."I will solve my riddle...Why should I fear in times of trouble?" The Psalmist reflects on why he is afraid when he sees others in the "abundance of their riches." It's my riddle, too. Why do I become anxious and worried when financial pressures hit? Or envious when I see others living easily in their wealth? The obvious "duh" answer is, "I'm afraid I won't be able to supply for my family. I'm afraid I won't have enough to eat or a place to live or clothes to wear." Jesus agrees those are legitimate needs: "Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all." (Matthew 6:32) But Jesus disagrees about being fearful and anxious about those needs: "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on." (Matthew 6:25) God feeds the birds as a daily sign and promise that he will feed you. God will "much more clothe you" than he does the grass of the field with flowers. God tells us to trust that he'll supply for us, not all we want, but all we need.

So, is the riddle of my fear really about the essentials of life? Or is it a subtle lie that I'm afraid I need more than the essentials to feel secure? A buffer for my trust in case God gets distracted from the business of meeting my needs? The Psalmist says that kind of fear is grounded in the lie that security--beyond having just the essentials of physical life--can be found in the power of wealth. That if I have enough money, then I can face any crisis or challenge to my life with confidence. It is shown to be a lie because rich people die everyday and cannot stop it from happening, no matter how great their resources and power. How many more funerals must I experience to see this lie for what it is?

The key to solving the riddle of fear is to take a wider view of our lives, beyond the 75 year average our physical bodies might tend to last. "Even the wise die; the fool and the stupid alike must perish and leave their wealth to others." (Psalm 49:10) Overcoming fear means we have to ask daily, "Where is my confidence?" It is a guaranteed fact that each of us will be separated from our stuff, and it is "foolish confidence" (Psalm 49:13) to think any of it will be of help to me on my deathbed. When we die, our physical "form shall be consumed in Sheol, with no place to dwell." (Psalm 49:14) But for those who have faith and trust in Jesus' righteousness and life in place of their own sinful life, "God will ransom my soul from the power of Sheol, for he will receive me." (Psalm 49:15)

The answer to the riddle of fear is to invest in a personal and real relationship with the God who ransoms and redeems and promises he will meet my needs in this life, and "receive me" after the mist of my physical life has vanished. Lord, help me remember this every day, especially when I am tempted to believe again the lie of money and wealth that leads me to fear and anxiousness.

Through you and through your name...there is victory in suffering

Psalm 44 gave me two truths to ponder this morning. First, the psalmist confesses that all of Israel's military victories were not simply the result of their own power and might, even though they had to participate in the fight--their enemies did not just lay down and surrender. "For not by their own sword did they win the land, nor did their own arm save them, but your right hand and your arm, and the light of your face...Through you we push down our foes; through your name we tread down those who rise up against us." (Psalm 44:3, 5)

The paradox that "I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." (1 Corinthians 15:10) is not just a New Testament truth. This is the way God has always worked in and through his people. We try and we give all of our strength in loving God and people, but we do it "through" God and his name, and God does it through us.

The second observation is that God doesn't seem to be doing his part (at least according to the Psalmist). "But you have rejected us and disgraced us and have not gone out with our armies." (Psalm 44:9) Could it be that some unconfessed or hidden sin is the culprit here? Not so, says the psalmist: "All this has come upon us though we have not forgotten you, and we have not been false to your covenant. Our heart has not turned back, nor have our steps departed from your way." (Psalm 44:17-18)

So what seems to be the problem? The psalmist can think of no other possibility than that God is lazy, distracted, hiding or angry: "Awake! Why are you sleeping, O Lord? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever! Why do you hide your face? Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?" (Psalm 44:23-24) The psalmist can think of no reason for suffering if the people of God are being faithful.

But the apostle Paul, writing hundreds of years later, quotes from this very psalm of disorientation in his letter to the church at Rome: "If God is for us, who can be against us?...Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." (Romans 8:31, 35-37)

God's being "for us" and working through us does not mean we won't suffer what appears to be defeat, even death. But Paul sees here (because of the revelation of Christ) what the psalmist only saw from a distance: that God's power in and through us gives us victories "in all these things" (defeats, sufferings, tribulations, etc.), not from all these things.

God works through us, and God loves us as he works us through our suffering.

Growth-Stopper: Failing to Confess Sins

"I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,' and you forgave the iniquity of my sin." (Psalm 32:5)

A key element in practicing resurrection, growing up as a follower of Jesus Christ, is not only to cultivate our lives so they are receptive to the growth only God provides, but also to pull the weeds--to take seriously whatever keeps us from growing. Here's one: failing to confess our sins and receive forgiveness.

Even non-Christians have heard that Jesus forgives, no matter what we've done, no matter how bad it is, and no matter for how long we've done it. And it's true. His love and faithfulness are everlasting. But clearly there is a difference between a gift offered to us and a gift received. Jesus always offers forgiveness, but we don't always receive it because to take it means we admit we need it. So, confessing our sins and repenting is not something we do to earn forgiveness; it is simply a description of what it means to reach out and receive it.

Yet, we don't need this gift just once. When we cross from death to life by leaving self-righteousness behind and embracing God's righteousness supplied for us in Christ, our identity is changed once for all. We become forgiven sinners, fully adopted children of God. And so we find security in God's family, even though there will be times when we do not live like the sons and daughters we are. That's when our Heavenly Father disciplines us out of love. And that's where we need to come clean with Him through confession.

No parent would think it's sufficient for their son or daughter to say, "You said you'd always love me. So, let me just say now that I'm sorry for whatever wrongs I might do for the rest of my life. I'm glad to know I'm already forgiven." Our sins must be dealt with particularly, as individually as possible. Just as overloading a washing machine with laundry keeps the clothes from really coming clean, so we must not give blanket statements regarding our sin: "Lord, whatever I did wrong this past week, please forgive me." Instead, we should be (using the washing metaphor) pinpointing the stains so God can spot-clean them. That means intentional confession.

David experienced this many times, and wrote about in Psalm 32. He first tried to ignore the problem: "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer." (Psalm 32:3-4)

This kind of denial and avoidance is a definite growth-stopper, or at least a growth inhibitor. David does what we must do: he gives in and confesses. "I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,' and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Therefore let everyone who is godly offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found." (Psalm 32:5-6)

When we know we have sinned is the time to pray and confess. That's when we will seek and find God.

How about you? How do your prayers of confession look and sound? Generic or particular? An after-thought in prayer, or a first priority to keep the flow of Jesus' Life in you uninhibited?

Breaking the habits of our body and mind

Ephesians 2:3 says followers of Jesus used to be driven to live "in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind." Our desires are changed by the Holy Spirit when we give up on self-indulgence and self-righteousness and receive the gracious gift of Jesus' desires and life. So why do we still sin? Why is it still so hard to do what is right and avoid disobedience?

The essence of the problem comes down to re-training our bodies and our minds. Our sinful nature has done a real number on the way we think. We have learned to believe lies. We have been accustomed to not even monitoring the thoughts that fly through our heads throughout the day. We're too busy to meditate. We're too distracted to contemplate. We're too tired to work at identifying the lies we believe and replacing them with the truth of God's Word. We have developed some really bad habits in our thought-life. Yet that is foundational work in practicing resurrection, in living the new and different life that has been given to us. When Jesus talks about transforming us from the inside-out, it must include the re-training of our minds.

And our bodies have to be re-trained, too. The way we think gives momentum for how we will physically act. If I believe in my thoughts that it's okay to gossip, my body (primarily through my vocal cords, tongue, and lips) develops the habit of talking too much, too fast, and without considering the implications to others. Yet habits can be broken. The key is to fill our minds with the truth about gossip and the way our words can do damage, and then to practice some spiritual disciplines that will address how my body has grown accustomed to doing it. So then, the spiritual discipline of silence is a good place to start. This doesn't mean not talking to people ever again, but rather building in specific times of quiet and solitude in our schedules where we intentionally starve the urge to always have something to say about people and circumstances. It will feel strange. The breaking of routines and habits usually does.

Of course breaking the body and mind habit of gossip is just one example. There are also body and mind habits for greed, lust, hate, envy, and any other number of sins. In each case we need to identify the lies we believe that have under-girded those sins (often over the course of years), mentally reject them, and replace them with the powerful truth found in God's Word. Then we need to recognize how our bodies have developed physical habits that lead us back to those sins (even when we know the truth!) and practice spiritual disciplines that re-train our responses.

It's easy on paper, but hard in real life. It takes time, just as gaining proficiency in any new discipline does. Yet this is the pathway of discipleship in Jesus. Let's encourage each other along the way as we follow Jesus together!

Can I sin and still be saved?

A few weeks ago I preached on baptism--the why, the what and the how of this command of Jesus. I may not have been as clear as I would have liked about it, because I have had several conversations since then with a few people that have clued me in to some possible misunderstandings. Maybe I can follow-up here a bit...

I think everyone understands that this is a command of Jesus: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." (Matthew 28:19-20) Furthermore, I made the point that baptism is a sign and symbol of salvation, not a regenerative act. That is, a person is fully saved even before they are baptized, and simply getting baptized won't save anyone. This is a different understanding than some traditions, but one that I think flows from Romans 10:9-10..."If you declare with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved." I believe the moment a heart turns away from self-righteousness and receives God's righteousness provided by grace through Christ, that person is saved. Like the thief on the cross, who never had a chance to be baptized, but was told he would be in paradise with Jesus. Grace through faith is sufficient.

For some, then, it raised the question, "Can I still get to heaven if I am not baptized?" What I wanted to say clearly in my message was, "Yes, because baptism can't save anyone." I likened baptism to a heart monitor. Just as the monitor can't produce a heartbeat--it simply reveals what is (or is not) the inner, unseen reality of the patient's heart--so baptism is simply a sign of the inner reality of a changed heart and new life given by the Holy Spirit. If you have the beating heart of true faith in Christ, then baptism is a sign to show that. If you don't, no amount of water can create that.

I also wanted to stress that asking, "Can I still get to heaven and not be baptized?" is really the wrong question. Since baptism is one of many commands given by Jesus, it's like asking, "Can I sin and still be saved?" Of course every Christian still does sin. But we are to be fully engaged in fighting our sinful nature, not finding contentment in it. Sometimes we fight temptation and still give in. So we find ourselves utilizing 1 John 1:8-10 regularly, even daily: "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us."

So, can a Christian sin and still be saved? Yes. But, if you make it your plan to sin...if (in the case of baptism) you know you should do something and plan on consistently bypassing that command because it's inconvenient or embarrassing...then you are positioning your heart away from God's grace...and away from love and gratitude and an attitude of serving Christ. You are not taking off the old self and putting on the new.

You don't instantly lose your salvation when you sin in this, or other ways. But you are hurting and damaging the new life you've been given. Physically, you can live in unhealthy ways and not die...for a while. Eventually, if you continue down that path, it will catch up with you. That's why the Bible gives warnings that, though we are saved by grace and given a new life, that life must be nurtured. We must "continue in it" and not throw it away. You can't "lose" your salvation, but you can (by consistently ignoring and disobeying Jesus' commands of life) choose to not continue in it. You can choose to not hold on to it any longer and leave it behind:

• "Continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel." (Colossians 1:23)
• "For if God did not spare the natural branches, he will not spare you either. Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness. Otherwise, you also will be cut off." (Romans 11:21-23)
• "Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son." (2 John 1:9)
• "Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith." (1 Timothy 1:18-19)
• "Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly. Their teaching will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus, who have wandered away from the truth." (2 Timothy 2:16-17)

And please don't ask, "How far can I go in not continuing before I lose my salvation?" That's like asking, "How close can I get to a rattlesnake before it will strike at me? 24 inches? 18 inches? 12 inches?" Some questions are not good to pursue. Can I be saved and not get baptized? Yes. Is that nurturing the salvation you have been given? No. You want to nurture and continue in and hold on to the new life you've been given by grace.

All I can do is encourage you to the obedience of faith--not the obedience of guilt or pride or fear. Get baptized as a sign that you have received and find your identity with Jesus--his death and his resurrection to a new life. If you haven't yet been baptized, do this as an expression of your love for Jesus!

Who shall dwell on your holy hill? He who walks blamelessly...

I was reading Psalm 15 this morning. It's a wonderfully descriptive lyric about the kind of good and righteous person who can sojourn and dwell with and be in relationship with the holy God. And it struck me as impossible. That's a good thing because for too long I have read the Scriptures FIRST as a moral and ethical example that I should try to follow. But all the efforts to attain righteousness by ourselves (self-righteousness) are doomed to fail. Psalm 14 says "There is none who does good...they have all turned aside; together they have become corrupt; there is none who does good, not even one." (Psalm 14:1, 3) So when David (the author of both Psalm 14 and 15) then begins to list the qualities found in the one who "does what is right" (Psalm 15:2), it's not that he has amnesia, or is in a better, more optimistic mood. No, we are to see Jesus in this Psalm.

We need to read, "Who shall dwell on your holy hill? He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart," (Psalm 15:1-2) and realize that only Jesus ever lived that way. "Who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor" (Psalm 15: 3) ought to remind us of how Jesus overcome the temptations of retaliatory slander when he was slandered and lied about and mocked. "Nor takes up a reproach against his friend" (Psalm 15:3) should point us to the deep love and forgiveness Jesus expressed to his disciples after his resurrection, knowing they had abandoned him when he needed them most. "In whose eyes a vile person is despised, but who honors those who fear the Lord" (Psalm 15:4) should cause us to reflect on how Jesus courageously called out the hateful, prideful sin of the religious leaders while drawing attention to, and honoring, the widow who gave her last few pennies in an otherwise unnoticed act of loving worship. "Who swears to his own hurt and does not change" (Psalm 15:4) clearly ought to make us aware of Jesus' resolute determination to go to the cross to pay  for the world's sin--and how his epic prayer struggle in the garden of Gethsemane revealed how he suffered for his vow, but saw it through for our benefit.

If I try to take each of these statements as simply an example to live up to and follow, I will always fail. But if I am in Christ by grace through faith, then the very One who has already lived Psalm 15 perfectly, lives in me. That means Jesus can live Psalm 15 in and through me. I ask him to do it, and then do all I can to work with him, never forgetting that it is no longer I who live, but Christ in me.

The Process

As I think about the daily process of trying to participate in God's work of transformation, here are some preliminary thoughts about how it seems to work out for me day by day, temptation by temptation, challenge by challenge:

1. GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. Recognize that your sinful nature prevents you from living righteously. Stop trying to attain righteousness and moral goodness by yourself (self-righteousness). In a prayer to God, confess that you can’t. Implication: when you read Scripture, recognize FIRST what God is doing, not what you should be doing. See Jesus at work through people in the Bible, and remind yourself it’s not them, it’s Jesus at work in them. Then recognize the call for you to live in righteousness.

2. EXPERIENCE GOD'S LOVE. In this moment of despair for your rotten self-righteousness, experience God’s undeserved love for you and be filled with the Holy Spirit. This is unearned love. Unconditional. Feel the joy of a debtor forgiven by a king, of a lost son received home again in a bear hug from his father, of a sinner defended and protected from a condemning mob. Feel spontaneous gratitude for receiving what you do not deserve—love and acceptance instead of condemnation and rejection.

3. DO LIFE INSIDE-OUT. Don’t focus primarily on your outward actions, but on the internal source of your beliefs and thoughts (heart and mind) that always precede and cause your actions. Recognize that internally, you have an old and new self.

4. TAKE OFF THE OLD. Identify the lies that are behind every sinful attitude and action in your life. Call them lies. Say it out loud. Ask God to help you see their falsehood. Ask God to help you reject them as the basis for how you will live.

5. PUT ON THE NEW. Identify the truth of God’s Word and His commands. Say it out loud. Since your mind and heart have been habitually trained to believe lies for a long time, ask God for the gift of belief in the Truth.

6. GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. AGAIN. Having begun with the Spirit, don’t think you can now do this on your own power—living in righteousness, being like Jesus. Confess and ask. “Lord I can’t do this. Lord I don’t have the right desires. Will you give me your desires? Can you give me that part of the life you lived here on earth that will directly overcome the temptation I now face, that you conquered while living in the flesh?” Trust that the Holy Spirit will show up with Jesus’ life and work Him in and through your life.

7. NOW TRY. TRY HARD. But try in accordance with the Spirit. In step with the Spirit. Always letting the Spirit lead. And do this out of gratitude. Out of love. Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, knowing it is God who works in you. Work at it remembering the assurance of your identity as a child of God, not as a fearful slave. Work at this because you already are loved and valued, not to feel loved and valued.

8. WHEN YOU FAIL, CONFESS IT. Be open and transparent about your failure. You don't have to worry about what others will think because you have your core need for love settled in Christ's love for you. So Repent. Repent wholeheartedly. Don't rush through your confession. Feel the pain, but don't wallow in it. And stop sinning. Get up. Move out of that mud-hole. Seek God’s forgiveness. Seek forgiveness from others who were hurt by your sin. Make reparations as you can. Remember this failure does not take away or change your identity. You are secure as an adopted child of God, a daughter loved by the Father, a son loved by the Father. Your identity isn't in jeopardy. So meditate on and identify where you went off the tracks. Learn from it. And try again.

9. WHEN THERE IS SUCCESS, GIVE GOD ALL THE CREDIT. Worship Him. Give Him glory. Lather, rinse, and repeat.

Cultivating = Repetition

In many places, the Bible uses the metaphor of agricultural growth to describe what it means to practice resurrection. And anyone who has planted seeds knows the kind of work required to grow a plant. The growth itself is out of our hands. If the seed is bad, then no amount of gardening will help. But, if the seed is good, then what we do will have an impact on growth. And what do we do? A lot of the same thing, day after day. Fertilize. Water. Pull weeds.

One of the seeds I'm cultivating is to daily begin with an acknowledgement that I cannot resurrect myself. Only God can do this in my life. I need to be content with the somewhat mundane business of fertilizing, watering, and pulling weeds. Patience. Satisfaction that, although nothing is poking through the ground just yet, the day was not wasted when I fertilized my heart by meditating on a Scripture passage. Belief that watering a seed that is buried beneath the soil is how I'll participate in God's miracle of growth. Determination that even the smallest weeds are robbing the seed of nutrients, and that the effort to bend over and pluck them out is worth the trouble. And to do these things day after day, persevering in the repetition that is cultivation.

Out of the driver's seat

Eugene Peterson's excellent book on growing up in Christ that gave me the name for this blog ("Practice Resurrection") has a vivid description of how the transformation process begins with God, not us. He reflects on the opening passage of Ephesians 1:3-14 (which in Greek is one, long, excited, run-on sentence) and notes: "This orienting introductory sentence places us in a cosmos in which God starts everything. Everything. There is not a single verb commanding us to do something, not so much as a hint or suggestion that we are to do anything at all. No requirements, no laws, no chores, no assignments, no lessons. We are born into a cosmos in which all the requirements and conditions for growing up are not only in place but in action. Once we get this through our heads and assimilated into our imaginations, we are out of the driver's seat forever. The practice of resurrection is not a do-it-yourself self-help project. It is God's project, and he is engaged full-time in carrying it out." (Practice Resurrection, pp. 67-68)

We are quick to want to move beyond this revelation. We want to know, "Yes, but what's my part? What am I supposed to be DOING?" We will have a part, and we will be called to participate, but knowing we are not in the driver's seat will change the very tenor and tone of HOW we go about joining in with God's work in us. I'm convinced that simply to acknowledge that this God's work with a quick nod of the head is not enough. I've got to reflect on this, remind myself of this every morning. Otherwise, it's like trying to grab the wheel again and telling God, "Thanks for driving this far...I'll take it from here." No. I am a passenger being taken to a destination and I don't know how to get there. But Jesus, who is the Way, will get me there.

Through the abundance of your steadfast love, I enter

How can I enter this process of transformation? David teaches us again what he has learned. We can't enter by self-righteousness. We can't enter by mustering up enough self-will. We can't enter with special knowledge, techniques, or how-to steps. We can only enter "through the abundance of your steadfast love." (Psalm 5:7)

And it's not just entering where we need God to do for us what we can't do ourselves. We need God to lead this process. "Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness." (Psalm 5:8) This is why the order is so important when talking about what we do (our effort in trying to be obedient, "work out your salvation") and what God does (the Holy Spirit working Jesus' life in and through us, "for it is God who works in you"). I must get that order straight in my mind each and every day so that I'm lead in God's righteousness and not trying to lead in my self-righteousness. And it's the abundance of God's love that moves this whole process along, from start to finish.

O God of my righteousness

In Psalm 4:1, David cries out in another moment of distress, "Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness." As I mentioned yesterday, even though David pre-dates the incarnation, he is exercising the same post-incarnation truth that the apostle Paul wrote about in his letter to the Romans: "But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it--the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe." (Romans 3:21-22) This calling out to God and trusting in God's righteousness instead of my own is a second step for participating in God's transforming of my mind, heart, will, character, motives, and actions. Only when I give up on myself--my self-righteous attempts at renovating my own heart--will I have the inclination and urgency to say, "Save me, O my God! Only your righteousness can change me."

It's a very symbiotic relationship between these two steps...giving up on myself and calling out to God. Especially since this seems to happen in varying degrees. I give up on myself only partly, and I will call out to the Lord only partly. But I hear real desperation in David's voice through the Psalms. Psalm 3 he's running for his very life. Psalm 4 there is deep frustration and concern. Until I sense and see my own desperate state I'm not going to actively participate in what God is doing in my life. Lord, take away this false self-confidence that masks itself as a desire to live for you. Make me hungry and thirsty for your righteousness and your kingdom, not my own.

David gave up on himself

I'm reading through the Psalms here of late, and since I'm working through this first step of how we participate with God's work in us by first giving up, that theme is kind of popping out at me in these texts.

In Psalm 3, David writes about the terrifying time when he was on the run for his life from his very own son, Absalom. I've seen the movie, "The Fugitive," but that's as close as I can imagine what it's like to be hunted day and night. Anxiousness, paranoia, and fear must have been the norm for David. And although David is doing all he can by running and hiding, he also recognizes that his cunning and experience as a life-long military man won't be enough. "Arise, O Lord! Save me, O my God!...Salvation belongs to the Lord." (Psalm 3:7, 8) Our salvation (not just our entry into heaven, but the transformation that needs to take place in our lives) is in God's hands, not ours. There will be things for us to do, but we must begin with the most basic of prayers that is also a confession about my own inadequacies: "Save me, O my God!" David knew and believed, even before the incarnation, that apart from Jesus we can do nothing.

Read this when I'm not ready to give up on myself

Yesterday I mentioned that the starting point for participating in the transformation of my soul that only God can accomplish is to (paradoxically) give up on myself. This process called sanctification cannot be reduced to a Christianized self-help talk. When I don't feel ready to give up on self-improvement, I need to read and meditate on these truths:

"Apart from me you can do nothing." (John 15:5) That's sobering. Jesus doesn't even soften the blow by saying I can do very little without him. No, I can do nothing. Nada. Zilch. No effect, no change or transformation without Jesus.

"Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me." (Psalm 51:5) Paul later echoes this truth by saying, "I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin...I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature." (Romans 7:14, 18) Apparently both David and Paul gave up on themselves with an honest confession of their sin--not just a particularly bad action, but a factory of sin within that keeps pumping out the worst of me. I'm a slave, unable to simply break free by more effort and will power.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10) This must be God's work, not mine. I can ask, but only God can pull it off.

"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them--yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me." (1 Corinthians 15:10) I'm ahead of myself here, but even when the transformation of his character and life began to show, Paul made it clear it wasn't his doing. And Paul indicates there is an effort we will put forth. We don't sit around like bumps on a log waiting for our lives to change. We will participate and "work hard". But it will be a secondary action that occurs as a result of God's work in us. The starting point is to give up on myself because, as these verses indicate, if left to myself I can do nothing.

Giving Up on Myself

I think the starting point for participating in the transformation process that only God can accomplish in me is to formally give up on myself. Not just some vague thought that I might not be able to pull off self-righteousness, but an explicit, verbal prayer acknowledging that I am not capable of living as God wants me to.

The Bible makes it abundantly clear I can't live like I should, even when I know exactly what I should be doing. "For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing...For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:19, 22-24)

When I say "give up on myself" I mean to remind myself every day (every moment it comes to mind!) that I am "wretched" and conflicted. My mind is a war zone, and if I try to fight the battle by mustering all of my will-power and desire for self-improvement, I will lose every time. But if I admit that I need God to deliver me through Jesus Christ, then there is hope.

Practically speaking, one implication of starting with this confession is that it changes how I read the Bible. Most often I think we approach it from the self-help / self-improvement mindset. We read from Psalm 1, "Blessed are those...who delight in the law of the Lord and meditate on his law day and night," (Psalm 1:1, 2) and we assume the application of this is, "I should delight in God's word and read it regularly, meditating on it day and night." That's not a wrong interpretation, but we must first ask, "Can I do that?" Is it possible for us to simply decide what our desires will be? No doubt some people can be very disciplined and structure their outward actions and routines so that they'll read a chapter a day, or even memorize entire books of the Bible. The Pharisees and teachers of the law in Jesus' time did this. And yet we are told they missed out on the inner desire of "delighting" in the law. "Nor does his word dwell in you. For you do not believe the one he sent. You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you possess eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life." (John 5:38-40) They were not blessed in trying to apply Psalm 1 as a self-help text.

So, if I give up on myself, I change how I read Psalm 1. Instead of reading myself into it as a first step, I read Jesus as the fulfillment of Psalm 1--of the way I want to be, but can't be in my own effort. Jesus lived a completely blessed, perfect life on this earth, in the same struggles I experience. And yet Jesus did delight in God's law, and he meditated on it day and night. This despite the fact that Jesus got tired and hungry and busy and experienced all of the physical limitations that turn me from delighting in God's law.

If I begin by giving up on myself, I open myself up to the next step of asking Jesus to put his delight for God's Word into my heart. I open myself up to asking Jesus to change my desires, so I'll want to read the Scriptures as much as a starving person wants to eat bread (remember Jesus' temptation in the wilderness from Matthew 4:4..."People do not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God"? He said that when he was extremely hungry after a 40 day fast). Giving up on myself makes me ready to ask Jesus to take that part of his life which fulfilled Psalm 1, and to supernaturally, through the Holy Spirit, live it in and through me.

But I won't ask until I give up on myself first.

Knowing How it Works

When I was a kid I remember asking my dad to explain how things worked. How does an automobile engine start just because I turn this key? What exactly happens when I flip the switch on/off so that a lamp gives off light? I recognized that I was obviously taking part in a mystery, but I was curious how my small action (turning a key, flipping a switch) could be part of something bigger and grander than what I could accomplish on my own.

I have that same curiosity for spiritual matters, especially when the Bible says things like, "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." (Philippians 2:12-13) I am called to work as God does a work in me. It's a mystery that Eugene Peterson has articulated better than most. A recent book of his is entitled, "Practice Resurrection" (the title I borrowed for this blog). He feels this captures the paradox of participating in something we can't accomplish on our own. Dead people don't resurrect themselves. It must be done to them and for them, like Jesus did for Lazarus, like the Holy Spirit does for everyone who is dead in their sins. And yet this new life in Jesus is something we are called to participate in. We are not to be complacent or lazy or disconnected from what God, in Christ, is doing in us. We practice resurrection.

I am experiencing a growing passion to find clear, concise ways of talking about how this works. The danger I want to avoid is trying to reduce this profound mystery to a series of "how-to" steps. But I also think if we are going to participate and work out our salvation with fear and trembling, we need to know what we are called to do. Hopefully this blog will enable me to think about this out loud while receiving some ideas and constructive criticism.